Merry Chrismafestihanukwanzstice

JC Dill jcdill.lists at gmail.com
Sat Dec 24 13:24:53 CST 2011


Merry Chrismafestihanukwanzstice to everyone reading NANOG on this 
holiday weekend.

And now, for some On Topic technical content, I bring you RFC 1882 
(it's an RFC, by definition it must have some relevant content for 
network operators :-):

http://www.ietf.org/rfc/rfc1882.txt


Network Working Group                                         B. Hancock
Request for Comments: 1882       Network-1 Software and Technology, Inc.
Category: Informational                                    December 1995


                The 12-Days of Technology Before Christmas

Status of this Memo

    This memo provides information for the Internet community.  This memo
    does not specify an Internet standard of any kind.  Distribution of
    this memo is unlimited.

Discussion

    On the first day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
           A database with a broken b-tree (what the hell is a b-tree
           anyway?)

    On the second day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
           Two transceiver failures (CRC errors? Collisions? What is
           going on?)
           And a database with a broken b-tree (Rebuild WHAT? It's a
           10GB database!)

    On the third day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
           Three French users (who, of course, think they know
           everything)
           Two transceiver failures (which are now spewing packets all
           over the net)
           And a database with a broken b-tree (Backup? What backup?)

    On the fourth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
           Four calls for support (playing the same Christmas song over
           and over)
           Three French users (Why do they like to argue so much over
           trivial things?)
           Two transceiver failures (How the hell do I know which ones
           they are?)
           And a database with a broken b-tree (Pointer error? What's a
           pointer error?)










Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 1]


RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995


    On the fifth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
           Five golden SCSI contacts (Of course they're better than
           silver!)
           Four support calls (Ever notice how time stands still when on
           hold?
           Three French users (No, we don't have footpedals on PC's. Why
           do you ask?)
           Two transceiver failures (If I knew which ones were bad, I
           would know which ones to fix!)
           And a database with a broken b-tree (Not till next week? Are
           you nuts?!?!)

    On the sixth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
           Six games a-playing (On the production network, of course!)
           Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean "not terminated!")
           Four support calls (No, don't transfer me again - do you HEAR?
           Damn!)
           Three French users (No, you cannot scan in by putting the page
           to the screen...)
           Two transceiver failures (I can't look at the LEDs - they're
           in the ceiling!)
           And a database with a broken b-tree (Norway? That's where this
           was written?)

    On the seventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
           Seven license failures (Expired? When?)
           Six games a-playing (Please stop tying up the PBX to talk to
           each other!)
           Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean I need "wide"
           SCSI?)
           Four support calls (At least the Muzak is different this
           time...)
           Three French Users (Well, monsieur, there really isn't an
           "any" key, but...)
           Two transceiver failures (SQE? What is that? If I knew I would
           set it myself!)
           And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I really need to talk
           to Lars - NOW!)













Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 2]


RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995


    On the eighth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
           Eight MODEMs dialing (Who bought these? They're a security
           violation!)
           Seven license failures (How many WEEKS to get a license?)
           Six games a-playing (What do you mean one pixel per packet on
           updates?!?)
           Five golden SCSI contacts (Fast SCSI? It's supposed to be
           fast, isn't it?)
           Four support calls (I already told them that! Don't transfer
           me back - DAMN!)
           Three French users (No, CTL-ALT-DEL is not the proper way to
           end a program)
           Two transceiver failures (What do you mean "babbling
           transceiver"?)
           And a database with a broken b-tree (Does anyone speak English
           in Oslo?)

    On the ninth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
           Nine lady executives with attitude (She said do WHAT with the
           servers?)
           Eight MODEMs dialing (You've been downloading WHAT?)
           Seven license failures (We sent the P.O. two months ago!)
           Six games a-playing (HOW many people are doing this to the
           network?)
           Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean two have the same
           ID?)
           Four support calls (No, I am not at the console - I tried that
           already.)
           Three French users (No, only one floppy fits at a time? Why do
           you ask?)
           Two transceiver failures (Spare? What spare?)
           And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I am trying to find
           Lars!  L-A-R-S!)


















Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 3]


RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995


    On the tenth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
           Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What is that Godawful beeping?)
           Nine lady executives with attitude (No, it used to be a mens
           room? Why?)
           Eight MODEMs dialing (What Internet provider? We don't allow
           Internet here!)
           Seven license failures (SPA? Why are they calling us?)
           Six games a-playing (No, you don't need a graphics accelerator
           for Lotus! )
           Five golden SCSI contacts (You mean I need ANOTHER cable?)
           Four support calls (No, I never needed an account number
           before...)
           Three French users (When the PC sounds like a cat, it's a head
           crash!)
           Two transceiver failures (Power connection? What power
           connection?)
           And a database with a broken b-tree (Restore what index
           pointers?)

    On the eleventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
           Eleven boards a-frying (What is that terrible smell?)
           Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What's a MIB, anyway? What's an
           extension?)
           Nine lady executives with attitude (Mauve? Our computer room
           tiles in mauve?)
           Eight MODEMs dialing (What do you mean you let your roommate
           dial-in?)
           Seven license failures (How many other illegal copies do we
           have?!?!)
           Six games a-playing (I told you - AFTER HOURS!)
           Five golden SCSI contacts (If I knew what was wrong, I
           wouldn't be calling!)
           Four support calls (Put me on hold again and I will slash your
           credit rating!)
           Three French users (Don't hang your floppies with a magnet
           again!)
           Two transceiver failures (How should I know if the connector
           is bad?)
           And a database with a broken b-tree (I already did all of
           that!)











Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 4]


RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995


    On the twelfth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
           Twelve virtual pipe connections (There's only supposed to be
           two!)
           Eleven boards a-frying (What a surge suppressor supposed to
           do, anyway?)
           Ten SNMP alerts flashing (From a distance, it does kinda look
           like XMas lights.)
           Nine lady executives with attitude (What do you mean aerobics
           before backups?)
           Eight MODEMs dialing (No, we never use them to connect during
           business hours.)
           Seven license failures (We're all going to jail, I just know
           it.)
           Six games a-playing (No, no - my turn, my turn!)
           Five golden SCSI contacts (Great, just great! Now it won't
           even boot!)
           Four support calls (I don't have that package! How did I end
           up with you!)
           Three French users (I don't care if it is sexy, no more nude
           screen backgrounds!)
           Two transceiver failures (Maybe we should switch to token
           ring...)
           And a database with a broken b-tree (No, operator - Oslo,
           Norway.  We were just talking and were cut off...)

Security Considerations

    Security issues are not discussed in this memo.

Author's Address

    Bill Hancock, Ph.D.
    Network-1 Software & Technology, Inc.
    DFW Research Center
    878 Greenview Dr.
    Grand Prairie, TX  75050

    EMail: hancock at network-1.com
    Phone: (214) 606-8200
    Fax: (214) 606-8220











Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 5]





More information about the NANOG mailing list