Stupid Senate Tricks
Declan McCullagh
declan at pathfinder.com
Fri Sep 5 16:36:11 UTC 1997
Some TGIF humor. Last message on crypto from me, I promise! --Declan
**********
http://cgi.pathfinder.com/netly/opinion/0,1042,1344,00.html
The Netly News Network (http://netlynews.com/)
September 5, 1997
Stupid Senate Tricks
by Declan McCullagh (declan at well.com)
What do you get when you mix discussions of high technology and
the Internet with the weak minds of the aging techno-half-wits in the
U.S. Congress? Answer: a screwball dialogue that veers haphazardly
between the idiotic and inane.
From the infamous father of the Communications Decency Act to the
California senator who confuses computer mice with real rodents,
Washington lawmakers rarely have a clue about the technology they try
to regulate. Now that Congress is back in session, the lawmakers will
once again be muddling through press conferences and briefings with
the help of hovering aides. But sometimes they try to make a go of it
on their own -- and then the results aren't pretty.
[...]
Encryption, however, remains the topic most likely to transform
articulate legislators into babbling birdbrains. In July, the House
International Relations Committee was desperately seeking a metaphor
to explain the effect of permitting the export of data-scrambling
software. Then came the moment of bovine intervention: "Do we open the
doors to let all the cows out?" asked one member. An FBI official
replied, "There are many, many still left inside the barn." No, said
Zoe Lofgren (D-Calif), "The cows are tromping all over America. Cows
can replicate. They're being born all over the world. There's plenty
of beef available!"
When Sen. Bob Kerrey (D-Neb.) was asked to define encryption, the
results were horrific. "Well, I mean, to answer your question, I mean,
encryption is -- the political equivalent of encryption is you ask me
a question, I give you an answer and you don't understand it," he
managed. "I mean, I intentionally garble the answer frequently. I
intentionally garble the response so that you can't understand what
I'm saying. And that's -- you notice that I've got the ability to do
that."
[...]
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