New Natural Disaster! 8/27/2011 Hurricane Irene

Sat Aug 27 03:23:49 UTC 2011

Subject: 	Urgent hurricane alert
Date: 	Fri, 26 Aug 2011 14:55:15 -0400
From: 	borowitzreport.com <andy at borowitzreport.com>
To: 	<zita at psg.com>

   Internet Outages from Hurricane Could Force People to Interact with
   Other People, Officials Warn

     FEMA: Prepare for Unwanted Eye Contact, Awkward Silences

WASHINGTON (*The Borowitz Report

– As Hurricane Irene prepared to batter the East Coast of the United
States, federal disaster officials warned that Internet outages caused
by the storm could force people to interact with other people for the
first time in years.

News of the possible interpersonal interactions created panic up and
down the coast as residents braced themselves for the horror of awkward
silences and unwanted eye contact.

And as officials warned people in the hurricane zone to stay indoors,
residents feared the worst: conversations with members of their
immediate family.

At the Federal Emergency Management Agency, FEMA chief Craig Fugate
offered these words of advice for those who may be forced into direct
contact with other human beings: “Be prepared.  Write down possible
topics to talk about in advance.  Sports is a good one, and of course
the weather.  Remember, a conversation is basically a series of Facebook
updates strung together.”

He also offered these words of hope for those trapped interacting with
other people due to an Internet outage: “At some point, the wifi will go
back on, and hopefully you won’t have to go through anything like this
again for a long, long time.”

In a related story, the Rev. Pat Robertson said the best way to prepare
for Hurricane Irene is not being gay.